A Look to the Future
by Goldy
Summary: Buffy realizes she's finished baking (ugh, stupid cookie dough metaphor). But to have a reunion that's actually *easy* with Angel?! Pfft! B/A with B/S and C/A
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: SMG is the owner of the quote, "Buffy loves Spike. She's just not *in* love with him." which I used in the fic. And I'm pretty sure we all know who these characters really belong to at this point. 

Spoilers: Major spoilers for 'Chosen' and 'Home' as well as that possible "I'm drowning in footwear!" rumor.

Synopsis: "He's alive." B/A, B/S, C/A and shades (*eg*) of A/S, W/L and possible B/W friendship

Dedication: To all my buds who have showed up on fanfiction.net over the years. Laney "TheHotness" for being my writing buddy for about three years now and for wonderful Holes fanfic. Quimby "Cake Eater" for being obsessive and for writing a Mighty Ducks x-over fanfiction with me. Lindsey "Doodle" for writing a Sailor Moon x-over with me and for her Alias obsession. Laura "Salix Ardens" for understanding Buffy, for ever loving W/T, and for hating Spuke with me. *Mushy friendship moment*

Dedication 2: To SMG and DB for saying all nice things about B/A recently and for having such great chemistry. And to Joss. He's a bastard, but he kind of made me hope again. Damn you, Joss! And, possibly, thank you.

Anti-Dedication: Jane Espenson. Only put Angel in the end of 'End of Days' because 'Joss made her.' Shut up, you Spuffy loving Spike worshipper! And, boo hoo, I'm so sad Joss didn't ask you to work on Ats next season. Have fun on Gilmore Girls next year and don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. 

A/N: So Tim Meaner's 'Home' kind of made me love Angel again. Anyway. This is my way of dealing with Spuffy, B/A, and Angel's heart wrenching sacrifice. I *swear* if Angel doesn't get his reward in the end… 

She was free.

It had taken her a while to realize it. To understand that she could go where she wanted, live where she wanted, and do what she wanted. She still fought. But on her own terms. She was done taking orders, done saving the world by destroying those she loved most. 

The realization had come when she had finally looked at herself in the mirror. Not a quick glance over to make sure she looked okay, but a look at herself. A look into her own soul, if you will. She and Dawnie had been in Cleveland, training some of the new slayers on hellmouth fighting. She had looked into the mirror and realized… she looked the same. She still looked like the girl that had been saddled with the responsibility of the human population.

She had freedom and it meant that she could do what she wanted, where she wanted, and when she wanted. And she still felt like the one and only slayer.

And that thought, that stupid thought that she always had, the one that was too far in the future to actually be *real* popped up.

Cookie. Dough.

She was startled to realize that the future she always knew she would one day have was happening. And she hadn't fully grasped the possibilities. Until that moment—when she looked into her very own soul.

She stood outside the office of Wolfram & Hart. She clutched a small duffel bag that held everything that was dear to her. She hadn't talked to him since she had told him to prepare a second front, since she had watched Spike sacrifice himself for the world. It didn't matter. He'd understand. And he'd know she had survived the battle.

__

When you're around I can feel it. Inside. And it throws me.

It had come to her when she had looked into the mirror. She wasn't waiting for him. He wasn't going to sweep in, pluck her on his noble stead, and make her happy for the rest of her life. 

*He* was waiting for *her*.

She had always thought he'd come get her when he was ready, when he realized leaving her was the biggest mistake he ever made. But it wasn't Angel who needed to grow up.

__

I'm not getting any older.

So she climbed the steps to Wolfram & Hart and gasped in surprise upon seeing the meticulous white walls, the marble floor. Everything was fresh and gleaming. And huge. Her eyes widened as she took it in, it seemed endless. She wondered if even Angel knew everything that went on in the building.

Men and women dressed in perfectly pressed suites hurried all around her. Each carried identical shinning briefcases.

"Good morning, Ms. Summers," they greeted, as they hurried past. "Have a good day, Ms. Summers. Let us know if we can be of assistance, Ms. Summers."

Buffy wished that she was till innocent enough to be impressed by the greetings. The polite voice barely registered, however, as her eyes masterfully searched for… Angel… the future…

She paused on the figure of a man rushing towards her. Young, black, immaculately clothed. Yet he did not carry a briefcase. Instinctively she paused, summing him up. The other workers parted before him and he carried himself with a cool, albeit cocky, swagger.

"Can I help you?" he asked in a light tone. It didn't fool her. His posture screamed that he was ready for anything. She was momentarily impressed he'd been able to place her as an outsider so quickly. *That* was talent.

"I heard a rumor that Angel was in charge of this joint. We have some unfinished business."

"Unfinished business…?"

Buffy shrugged. "Cookie dough… you know, the usual."

His eyes narrowed in silent suspicion. She didn't care, she was already turning. Her heart leaped with the knowledge that she could still feel him. Even after all their time apart, she still knew.

"Gunn," he said in his soft, commanding tone. "It's okay."

"Sure, it's not like I'm your chief of security or nothin'."

Gunn's reply was lost on her. She was too focused on Angel. Her eyes travelled up his chest to fasten on his eyes. She looked at him silently, a small smile blooming across her lips. She remembered for a second how hard things had always been between them. But it had also been her easiest relationship. She had never been forced to question her love for him, or question the fact that she'd never love any one more.

__

I killed Angel. Do you even remember that? I would have given up anything to be—I loved him more than I will love anything in this life. And I stuck a sword through his heart because I had to.

She had loved again. Maybe not with Riley, but Spike she'd loved. Even if it hadn't been what he wanted.

"Hi," she whispered weakly.

His eyes bored into her, a million questions in them. "Buffy." Her name was final, not the breathy question she had grown so used to.

He hadn't gotten older, but he'd changed. He was more confident. Sure. He knew why she was there.

"Wow, *the* Buffy?" Gunn asked, slight awe creeping into his voice. "I think I'll just be going now…"

"Uh huh," she said absently, watching as Angel turned around. She followed him close behind as he wove through the corridors of Wolfram & Hart.

"If I got lost in here…" she began, a confused expression on her face as she jogged to catch up with him.

"I'd find you," Angel assured her, holding an elevator door open.

She smiled to herself, not missing the underlying meaning. She surveyed him curiously as soon as they were alone.

"You've changed," she noted. 

"I've been through a lot," he answered shortly.

She sighed. A lot that she didn't know about. Silently she trailed him from the elevator to what she assumed was his office.

She gasped. "Angel…" she trailed off, staring at him with wide eyes. "You're beautiful in direct sunlight."

"So are you."

__

He gets to be there when I can't. He gets to see you in sunlight.

"Windows part of the new 'Boss of the Corporation' deal?"

He nodded. "It's nice. Doesn't make me any less suspicious of their intentions. But it's nice."

She touched his hand lightly. "It must be."

"It is…" he paused. "It makes a lot of it harder, though."

She didn't have to ask what "it" was. His life. Being a vampire and living among humans. Being the same and being irreparably different.

"Anyway," he shook his head, and gave her the once over. He winced. "Are you done baking?"

God, what a thing to ask a person. No wonder he'd found the cookie dough thing so hard to do the first time around. She laughed softly. "It sounds stupid. I just sort of woke up one day and knew I was ready." And there really was no need to add in the whole 'looking into the mirror of her soul' thing.

He looked pensive. "Does this mean I can stop using the cookie dough metaphor?"

She grinned, loving the way a smile felt on her face. "I'm sort of hoping that you can use some extra help in LA. I know I'm not exactly the one and only slayer anymore but…"

He frowned, "Did I miss that memo?"

That's right. She blushed, he didn't know about all the potentials getting their slayerhood thing. Sighing, she launched into the story. "… and pesto! All potentials gained super slayer powers."

Angel listened with rapt attention… and then asked the question she'd been dying to circumvent. "What about the medallion?"

"That is a good question," she muttered. "One I think it'd be much better to must skip over."

"Buffy."

"I'm so not getting out of this one, huh?"

"It was Spike, wasn't it?"

"Give the man a million dollars," Buffy snarked. "His powers of reasoning are actually improving with age."

Angel glowered at her. "Are you trying to make this reunion as painful as possible?"

She sighed, wondering how much to tell him. "He saved us," she finally whispered. "The medallion… it sucked the hell right out of the Hellmouth. And it took Spike with it."

"You loved him." It was a statement, not a question, but his eyes searched her face, willing her to deny it.

Buffy looked down, guilty but refusing to let it take her over. "Haven't we already had this conversation?"

His eyes clouded over and he walked to the window, peering at anything but her face. "I never expected you to wait for me." That was a blatant lie—they both knew it. "But Spike?"

"It isn't like you think. He did it for himself, when he put on the medallion. He didn't do it for me, didn't do it out of an attempt to win me over. He did it to redeem himself. And that… that means something." She shifted uncomfortably. "He understood me, better than I understood myself, better than anybody." Angel tensed, but he didn't say anything. "But I didn't love him… at least not the way he needed. I thought I could have, though. I almost wanted to."

"What happened?"

"You showed up," she said honestly. "And I knew… I loved Spike, but I wasn't *in* love with Spike."

Buffy blinked back tears. "It doesn't matter. He's dead. He died in the Hellmouth and he isn't coming back."

"Good to know that I warrant second best," Angel said, his voice betraying the pain her words were causing him.

"Angel…" she trailed off, wishing that he'd look at her. "You know that isn't true. You're still the only thing in my freaky world that makes sense to me. And that's never gonna change. You're the only person I've ever thought about having a future with—the only thing I've seen when I looked that far ahead. You *know* it."

__

Angel, when I look into the future… all I see is you. All I want is you.

He turned. "Maybe. It's been a long time since we tried this."

She laughed bitterly. "You're telling me."  


"We'll take it slow. We still have the curse to worry about. And a lot has happened since we've been together."

"Yeah. I died and came back and everything," she quipped, regretting the words the second they left her mouth.

"And I wasn't there for you," he finished tiredly.

Buffy grinned. "Spike was," she teased gently.

Angel grimaced. "Buffy *please.*"

"It wasn't my best time," she admitted. "I'm glad that you weren't around for it."

He looked at her tenderly. "So," he began in a hoarse voice, "if I ask if you're glad to see me, will I get as good an answer?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On what you're planning on doing about it." She tipped her head back, accepting his kiss. She melted again him, struck by how nothing ever felt so right as when she was in Angel's arms.

He pulled away, looking deep into her eyes. "Buffy…"

He'd always had the ability to say her name in a way that made her knees weak. "Angel," she whispered, thinking how perfect the name felt across her lips.

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Buffy, you're really here. Buffy…"

They kissed again, deeper. A hundred promises sealed between them. She was finished baking and her sometimes future was happening.

With Angel. Because he was the only one she'd ever even considered having it with. No matter how far away it had always seemed.

Someone screamed.

With a muffled moan, she pulled away. Feeling slightly dizzy, she focused on the figure of a thin girl. She stood in the doorway, eyes wide with fear.

"Oh my… my goodness. I'm sorry, I didn't know," she let out a high laugh. "Obviously. Or I wouldn't have come barging in here. I'll just leave, you'll never even know I was here."

"Fred," Angel cut in gently. "What's up?"

Buffy touched her mouth with the back of her hand, wishing that she was still kissing Angel. Something was wrong.

"Oh, it's nothing. Nothing at all," she turned to Buffy. "I'm just not used to Angel kissing strange girls." Something about her words made her pause. With slitted eyes he looked accusingly back to Angel. "Angel!" she began scandalously. "With Cordelia still in her coma!"

Buffy felt her breath catch. "Cordelia?"

"That's right!" Fred cried angrily. "Cordelia! In a coma! How could you, Angel?" Suddenly, she started backing away, "You're not evil, are you?"

Buffy turned to Angel. "Cordelia? You and… Cordelia?" her voice sounded muted and far away, and she backed against a wall to keep from (vomiting, crying, screaming). "I need to sit down."

"It's not what you think…" he started uncertainly.

"Then what is it???" Fred and Buffy cried simultaneously.

"Fred," he reached out a hand. "It's me, I'm not evil, I swear. Cordelia isn't coming back. Besides…"

"Besides what?" Buffy bit out angrily.

"Buffy…" 

"Buffy?" Fred asked, eyes widening. "Buffy? Oh." Then, more slowly, "Oooohhhhh."

"Besides what, Angel?" Buffy demanded between clenched teeth.

"What, now only you're allowed to move on? It's okay that you love Spike but I'm not allowed to find someone else?"

"No… yes… no!" she cried.

"Spike?" Fred piped, in a small voice. They both ignored her.

"So which is it?" Angel said, irritated.

"I don't know!" she yelled. "Excuse me if this is somewhat of a *shock*!"

"Um," Fred tried timidly. "Did you say Spike?"

Angel finally focused on her. "What?"

"Gunn apprehended someone who walked in, yelling at the top of his lungs. He said his name was Spike," she paused. "I think he was looking for Buffy."

Buffy swallowed. "Where is he?"

"Here, pet," a familiar voice drawled from the doorway.

They all turned to the doorway, where they could see Gunn holding firmly on to Spike. Spike was grinning as if it was the happiest day of his life. Gunn was looking at him distastefully. 

Angel gasped. "He's alive."

Buffy felt a lump gather in her throat. "Thank you Mr. States the Obvious."

"No, I mean, he's *alive*."

TBC


	2. Two

Title: Look to the Future pt. 2

Author: Goldy

Email: thegoldoneb_a@hotmail.com

Dedication: Again, to all my friends. Laura because she loves Bend it Like Beckem and we're gonna write a big BILB fanfiction! To Quimby because she told me she liked the latest instalment of our Buffy/Ducks fanfiction. To Laney for her birthday (Happy Birthday, Laney!). And to Lindsey because, well, I love Lindsey. Also, to everyone who gave me feedback on the first chapter: Thank You! You're all wonderful!

Authors Notes: Yes. This will be B/A. There is nothing in this world that I hate more than Spuffy or C/A. Believe me. I just… need to work through all of that to get to B/A. So be patient with this chapter because it's heavy on those Other Ships that Shall Not be Named.

Spike turned his head to glare menacing at Gunn, who had his hands handcuffed behind his back. "You could let me out of these things now."

"Not in your life."

"Let him go," Buffy commanded softly.

Gunn looked questioningly at Angel. Angel gave Buffy a quick glance, but she was too focused on Spike to notice. He slowly felt his hope draining. He took a breath, "Let him go."

Spike gave him a smug look once he had his hands free. "Hope I'm not interrupting something… personal."

Buffy tentatively went to him, pressing a hand to his chest. Spike watched her in apt fascination. She swallowed. "It's true," she whispered, "your heart's beating."

Spike leaned back suggestively. "Guess the powers weren't quite done with their champion, eh luv?"

Angel closed his eyes. 

__

The vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu...become human. It's his reward.

Feeling sick, Angel slowly opened them and made eye contact with Fred. "Angel…?" Her question was obvious. 'Did he get it? Did *Spike* receive your reward?'

No, not his reward. It was never his. Slowly he nodded at her. Fred blinked and opened her mouth, no doubt to offer some petty condolence, but seemed to think better of it. Taking Gunn's arm, they filed grim-faced out of the room.

He watched with a heavy heart as Buffy warmly embraced the bleached ex-vampire, holding him tightly. "I'm glad you're back," she told him, the emotion evident in her voice. 

Spike watched him over her head, his eyes clearly saying. 'Look what I got and look what I landed. Finally got the two things you ever really wanted. Who's love's bitch now?'

Angel fought down the anger. "I'll leave you two alone," he gritted out, practically running to escape the scene before him.

Too much. Too much that he'd give up. Too hard to watch Spike get what was his. His reward—his soulmate.

Out in the hall, he collapsed against a wall, breathing hard. He had her for a minute, one beautiful minute, before the whole dream was shattered by his worst nightmare. 'One more loss,' he thought. 'Just one more loss.' It seemed to be one loss to many, however, and he felt his bruised, dead heart shattering more with every passing second.

He forced himself up and one hand on the wall, he forcibly moved himself forward. He wasn't entirely sure where he was going—only that he needed to escape. He needed to brood—brood and weep and cry and scream—but not anywhere near *her*.

He paused at a locked room, eyeing the security pad. Quickly he keyed in the familiar numbers. Inside there was a room, bright with sunlight, the windows specially made to shield him from the deadly rays. The faint smell of lavender wafted through his senses and he slowly made his way to the bed. 

Cordelia lay on it, chest moving slowly up and down, her eyes closed peacefully. She looked like she was sleeping. Her chestnut hair spread out on the pillow to frame her face and her hands lay at her sides.

He felt his heart shatter a little more, watching her. She was so beautiful and looked so painfully innocent. He wished more than anything that wherever she was—she was as happy and peaceful as she looked.

With a muffled sob, he sat down heavily into the chair next to the bed. Scattered about were magazines of every kind, books, and newspapers from around the globe. He liked to read to her, in hopes that perhaps she could hear him and keep up with what was going on in the world that she had given up everything to save.

He took one of her small hands in his own, bringing her fingers to his lips. He pressed a kiss on the open palm of her hand.

"I love you, Cordelia," he told her. The rise and fall of her chest was his only answer. He stared at the ceiling, knowing that his vision was blurring with unshed tears. "I'm sorry that I could never tell you before. I'm sorry for everything… I'm sorry that I couldn't save you in time to tell you how much you mean to me."

He stopped. He wondered if she would remember the real timeline if she woke up. He wondered if she'd remember Connor. He could almost feel the way his tiny, baby hands would latch on to one of his big fingers and never let go.

Even as a little baby, Connor had always been preternaturally strong.

He continued, "Whatever else we were, you were my best friend. Through all of it. I don't think I could have done it without you." He chuckled to himself, "From your horrible coffee to the bone crushing visions you suffered through."

Lapsing into silence, he remembered what it had been like, finding the woman he'd loved in the throes of ecstasy with his son. Then, ultimately, having to give them both up for the greater good. 

"I had a son," Angel whispered. "He's gone now. But I had him. It doesn't matter what everyone else remembers. For a little while he was *mine*…mine."

He blinked at Cordelia, realizing that he'd gone off into another world. Bending down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Most of all… I'm sorry that I didn't love you like that. That in our one perfect world, in my dream, I still needed *her* to lose my soul. You deserved more, Cordy. You deserve someone that can love you with everything they are, soul, mind, body and heart. Not someone who's your best friend."

"Angel…"

Turning slowly, he found her gazing at him with big, wide eyes. "What?" he asked brokenly.

She blinked back tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered hoarsely.

His head spun. "For what? You got what you want, didn't you?"

Her eyes widened. "How can you even *say* that? You think this is what I wanted? You think I wanted Spike to be the one to turn human? You think that I'm *happy* Cordelia is in a coma?" She paused, bit her lip. "You must have really loved her."

Angel clenched his hands into fists and stalked towards her. "No, Buffy, I *didn't* really *love* her. I *never* told her I did, never could get over my feelings for you. And we *never* got a chance to see what it would be like to be together. Now she's in a coma, she's never going to wake up, and she's never going to get the princess life she deserves."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said again, weakly.

"I gave up everything," he mumbled, more to himself than to her. "I had a son. Did you know that? A son. He was the only thing I'd ever done that seemed right. And even that was a failure."

Buffy shuffled closer to him, wiping at her eyes. She took his hand and squeezed it tenderly. "What happened?"

He looked at her tiredly. "He went crazy. Couldn't deal. I don't blame him, it can't be easy to have a vampire as a father. So I gave him up, gave up all his memories of me for another family. He's happy now."

She closed her eyes. "It's not fair."

He pulled his hand away, walked past her. "I hope you and Spike live happily ever after."

She froze and watched with small panic as he dismissed her and walked away. She ran desperately after him. "I don't know what I want! I just…" she stopped in front of him. "I just need some time."

Angel considered her a moment, before turning and closing the door to Cordelia's room. He turned back to her. "Take it, but don't expect me to stay here and wait for you to decide whether or not you'd take a Regular Joe over me."

"Angel… please…" she begged, moving in his way.

He stopped, looked at her. "What Buffy?" he asked in a defeated tone.

"I don't know," she admitted. "It's just… you should know. Things between Spike and I… it hasn't been easy."

Angel snorted. 

She glared at him. "Are you going to listen to this or just make fun?"

"Well, it's a little hard for me to listen to your life with another man, but please continue anyway."

Buffy felt her breath catch. "I used him, Angel. For a year, almost. We beat each other up for kicks beforehand." She shook her head, "It almost killed me."

He swallowed. "I'm sorry."

She looked into his eyes. He was sorry, she could tell. He didn't pity her, but he understood. "He tried to rape me," she whispered. 

Angel reared back, as if struck. "He… he raped you?"

"Tried," she repeated, nervous.

He pushed around her. "I'm going to kill him."

She watched his retreating figure in shock. "What?" she hollered, running after him. "You can't be serious."

Angel snarled. "I'm going. To. Kill *him*."

She grabbed his arm. "He got a SOUL! He knew it was WRONG! He's HUMAN now! You can't just go and beat the shit out of him! He won't get better!"

"I know," Angel growled, yanking his arm out her grasp.

"I care about him," she said quietly.

Angel stopped, shut his eyes. "He tried to violate you."

After that, he was gone. 

Buffy stared after him, feeling all her dreams crush in her heart. 

***

Angel could still track him.

The knowledge shouldn't have surprised him. Back when Darla had been brought back as a human, he'd been able to track her. It seemed that even becoming a human didn't severe the bonds between sire and childe. 

'Or grandsire and grandchilde,' Angel thought morosely.

Besides, in some sick, twisted way, Darla and Spike and Dru were his family. They called out to each other whether they wanted to or not. And Spike had always had a way of calling out to them in a whipped, puppy dog fashion.

Angel's mind conjured up old images of his years spent as part of the family. He remembered the way Spike had idolized him, wanted more than anything to have Angelus' approval. It didn't matter that Dru was his true sire, in more ways than one Angel had been the one to raise him.

__

You were my sire, man. My yoda.

Angel knew Angelus had done a job teaching Will *never* to go near *his* mate. As a result, he'd never gotten along particularly well with Darla. There was a code between sire and childe. A code that could never be broken. Death was the inevitable penalty.

And Will had tried to force himself on *his* mate.

Angel found him in a bar. Even as a human it seemed Spike was overly fond of the drink. He was sitting by the counter, shot glasses spread out around him and his head lying in one hand. The other hand held another shot, which he experimentally sniffed.

Angel growled softly, approaching him with the stalk of a predator out to get its prey. Spike didn't look up as he came, though Angel knew he could feel him. 

"Thing smells different now," Spike slurred, once Angel was in earshot.

Angel paused for a minute wondering what he was doing. He couldn't just come out on some vengeance gig. Buffy certainly wasn't his mate any more and Spike *was* human.

Spike turned his seat around to face his grandsire. He lifted a hand to clap Angel on the back with. It missed him by quite a few inches. Spike frowned. "Can't quite hold the liquor like I used to be able to."

Angel's let out a deep rumble from inside his chest. "You tried to rape Buffy."

Spike leaned back, tossing his drink at the same time. "And look how well that worked out. Got a shiny new soul and everything. Oh, yeah, and hey! Not to mention my humanity."

Angel grabbed him by the cuff of his shirt and the shot glass fell from Spike's hand, letting out a large crash as it made contact with the floor. A few other customers stood up in fright. 

"Guess you came all the way out here to kill me." Spike cocked his head, "Gained a little weight, Peaches? You're not looking as tough as you used to."

With a snarl, Angel shoved Spike back into his seat and fell loudly into the one next to it. He signalled to the bartender, "Get me one of what he's having."

"Yeah, 'nother for me too. It's on him."

Angel gave him a sideways glance but didn't say anything. "You're lucky I didn't kill you."

Spike smirked. "Knew you'd chicken out. You really are a great pouf, aren't you?"

Angel accepted his drink, threw it back. "Tell you she needed time to think about it?"

Spike let out a drunken chuckle. "Yeah, right before she told me how much she loved me."

Angel signaled for another drink, "You're lying."

"Damn straight."

Angel watched in disgust as Spike teetered precariously on his barstool. "You have everything Buffy wants. What the fuck are you doing here like a pathetic loser?"

"Everything Buffy wants? Buffy wants you to be human, not me. She chooses me, I'm the poor substitute. She doesn't love me, half the time she can't even stand to have a conversation with me."

Angel looked at him, feeling the first remnants of pity. "You're human and you don't even have her."

"Yeah, well, you don't have her either, so sod off!"

"Pathetic," Angel muttered.

"Hey!" Spike cried. "You think I wanted your stinkin' reward?" He jabbed a finger at Angel's chest, missed the mark. "I *liked* being a vampire. Wasn't anything until Dru turned me. I got OFF on KILLING people! Still would too, soul or no. I stopped, for her. I got a bleeding government issue soul for the bint! So I got my humanity back. A 'reward.' I can't even drink without getting pissed!"

"It is a reward," Angel said softly. "You can take her out into the sunlight, have picnics in the park."

Spike snorted. "Never was much for the romantics. That was more your area. I don't want to be a bloody human."

Angel downed another shot. "It should have been mine."

"Don't I know it."

They sat in silence for a moment, both trying as best they could to pretend they weren't in each other's company.

"I love her," Spike said. "Never thought it'd be possible. Doesn't mean one bleedin' thing, though. People like Buffy and I don't end up together."

"People like her don't end up with people like me, either."

"To hell, they don't. You said it yourself, I tried to rape her. I screwed her for a year so she could feel something. I'd go to the moon and back for her… but it wouldn't matter. She's a hero. Hero's don't end up with people like me." Spike downed another shot and gave Angel a considering look. "You're all big with saving innocent people, saving souls. Me, I couldn't care less what happens to anyone else. We both know who she's going to end up with."

Angel stared ahead, played with the rim of his glass. "Can't change the vampire thing."

Spike chuckled, hanging on to the counter for support. "Yep, that's your one big problem. She did me for a year, though. Didn't seem to bother her much." Spike thought about it for a moment, "I hate you."

Angel sighed, ordered them both another drink. "Believe me, the feeling is more than mutual." He downed his glass, "This whole thing would be funny if it wasn't so ironic."

"Bloody hell." Spike hit his head. "Where the fuck did this headache come from?"

Angel snorted in amusement. "Perks of being human."

"Should have killed me."

"Probably."

They simultaneously had another drink.

Angel snuck a glance at Spike. "She has feelings for you," he shared quietly. Then he wondered why the hell he was bothering to tell what could be fairly labelled as 'The Competition' that.

Spike choked. "*Feelings?*" he exploded. "FEELINGS?! You two have the bloody mythic romance, soulmate thing going on. 'Sides, I know her better than anybody. Never did stop loving you, can tell you that. Didn't help me stop panting over her, though."

Angel wasn't really sure what to say to that. If he didn't know better, it was almost like Spike was telling him to go running back to Buffy. "You're going to regret telling me this in the morning," Angel muttered.

"I won't remember this in the morning," Spike snapped. "Let's call it a Thank You Present for not torturing me for hours for touching you're *precious* mate."

Angel threw back another drink. "I'm glad that you feel you can be so honest with me. It's a real honour."

__

You're not friends, you'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other 'till it makes you quiver, but you'll never been friends. Love isn't brains, Children. It's blood. Blood screamin' inside of you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Spike stood on shaky legs. "You can get the tab."

Angel, feeling the alcohol beginning to seep its way into his blood, looked uncertainly at all the shot glasses lying around. Spike was already leaving, though. "No way… where are you going?"

Spike turned back around and gave him a shit-eating grin. "Gonna try and win me a slayer."

"But you just said…"

Spike wavered back and forth precariously. "Doesn't mean I can't try. I am *human* after all. What do I care if I'm only second best?" Then, moving with remarkable speed for a drunk human, Spike was gone.

Angel asked for the large, hefty bill. 

His grandchilde—what a prince.

TBC


	3. Three

Title: A Look to the Future 3/3

Author: Goldy

Email: thegoldoneb_a@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Starts with a Mutant and ends with an Enemies. No, really. It does. I bet ME never even considered the *irony* of that name when Joss came up with it.

A/N: For the record, it is NOT me who is going around and leaving petty flames on the stories of other B/Ars or my friends. Whoever is parading around as Goldy is a sick fuckup and holds no relation to me. 

Buffy wandered around the Wolfram & Hart facilities uncertainly. "Okay…" she said to herself. "Really good time to have Angel find me right about now."

"Buffy."

'Wow, now *that* was uncanny.' She turned around and watched… someone… come towards her. Wait a minute. Buffy squinted. He looked almost familiar. "Wesley?" she gasped.

Wesley didn't notice her surprise. "Buffy, been a long time."

She gaped at him. "Where are the glasses? The slick hair jell? Did you grow stubble?" her mouth fell open. "You've been brooding, haven't you?"

Wesley looked taken aback. "How… how did you know?"

"The eyes," Buffy shared. "Angel's always got kind of warn and tired. Jeez, when did you become a major hottie?"

'Did I *really* just say that?'

Whereas the old Wesley would have let out a squeal and admonished her behaviour, new brooding Wesley Mack 101 barely even blinked. "I've been through a lot."

Buffy resisted the urge to moan. "Yeah, yeah, so has everyone apparently."

"My I ask… what brings you to LA?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I know, Angel's with Cordelia now, blah, blah, blah. I'm just that strange girl who walked off the street. Don't have a place here, should go running off with human Spike."

Wesley looked interested. "Spike is human?"

"Whole big thing." She frowned, "I'm not sure how it happened, actually."

Wesley began walking down the hall, at a very fast pace. Buffy rushed to catch up with him. "There was a prophecy…" Wesley began.

"That Spike was going to turn human?" Buffy asked, dubiously.

Wesley stopped, and Buffy had to veer to the left to keep from running into him. "It was Angel's prophecy, Buffy," he shared quietly. "Angel was supposed to be the vampire with a soul to turn human."

Buffy gaped at him. "No…"

"It was to be his reward."  


She stared hard at the ground. God, poor Angel. On top of everything else that he'd already lost this year…"Are you sure?"

Wesley nodded gravely. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault," he said, a touch of bitterness in his voice. "After all, you only sent Angel away and gave the medallion to souled William the Bloody."

Buffy flushed. Apparently New Wesley was slightly more blunt, as well. "I have to talk to him."

"Angel or Spike?"

Buffy sighed. "Both of them."

"Angel's been through enough in the past year." Wesley's face hardened, "God knows, most of it's been my fault."

Buffy was surprised by his admission, but tried not to let it show on her face. "And Angel really is not the best at forgiving and forgetting."

Wesley absentmindedly rubbed the side of his throat, where, Buffy noticed, he was sporting a nice looking scar. "Usually he's justified." As an afterthought he added, "Of course, things were always different when they came to you."

Buffy snorted. "Sure."

Wesley gave her a look of something akin to understanding. "You want to go… do something? Game of cards until Angel gets back, perhaps?"

Buffy shrugged. "Why the hell not?" She had to admit, she found New Wesley mildly interesting. There was a lot going on behind the stony countenance. He almost seemed like someone that would understand the darkness in her.

She followed him through the halls of Wolfram & Hart *very* glad she now had someone to lead her through the confusing place. "So, Wes, now that you know all about me, how's your love life going?"

Wesley smiled. "Appears you're not the only one having problems with someone who's less than alive."

Buffy raised one eyebrow. "Really? Do tell…"

****

  
Wesley and Buffy were on their fourth game of Go Fish (Wesley had won every game up until that point, but Buffy thought she had a fighting chance) when Spike found her. 

"Hello, Buffy," he said in his deep, serious British tone.

She looked up, almost startled. "Spike."

"Got any three's?" Wesley asked.

Spike squinted. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing," Buffy answered. "Wesley was just killing me at Go Fish."

"Oh." Spike paused. "Do you want me to beat him up?"

"No," Buffy sighed. "It's okay. I can do it."

Wesley gathered up the cards. "I'll just make one of those discreet exits. Call me sometime Buffy. It's been fun."

Buffy gave him the thumbs up. "Will do. Good luck with Lilah. And keep in mind, just because someone has died, it doesn't make them less of a good partner choice."

Spike watched him go suspiciously. "Should this be making me jealous?"

"Nahh… Wesley's just a friend." Buffy frowned, "And I never, ever thought I'd be calling him even that."

"Probably never thought you'd be falling for me, either," Spike said with grin, leaning backwards. He lost his footing and tumbled ungracefully to the floor.

"Are you drunk?" Buffy asked in disgust. 

"Hey!" Spike cried, taking her hand to get to his feet. "Angel is, too! And just between you and me, he's looking a little stressed out. Been spending just a little too much time in bars recently."

"You saw Angel?" Buffy said gently, trying not to sound guilty.

"Yeah, about that. Next time you send my grandsire out to kill me, at least give me a warning."

"I'm sorry." Buffy paused and added without conviction, "I would have stopped him if I thought he was serious about it. And I didn't 'send' him to kill you, he did that on his own."

Spike looked at her intently, cupping her cheek and staring into her hazel eyes. Buffy was fairly certain he hadn't heard a word she'd said. "There's something about you…"

Her breath came out in a rush. "Spike just because you're human, it doesn't mean…"

"Doesn't mean what?" he took a step back. "You're breaking up with me."

"Breaking up…?" Buffy demanded, throwing her arms in the air. "We were never together! How can I break up with you when I don't even know what we *were*! We can't just run off into the sunset now that you won't burn up. It doesn't work that way. I just need… time."

"This is about Angel."

"No… maybe… I don't know. Things are just so confusing right now. I knew what I wanted, I had it right *there* and now…"

"You cared about me, I know you did. You said it, Buffy. I felt it…"

She closed her eyes. "Don't do this."

He blinked, staring at her. "I love you."

"I know," she whispered. "And you're human and it would be so easy to just…"

"Just what?"

She shook her head. "It's not fair to you. You know that. Things would never last. I can't ever… I think I gave my heart away a long time ago. And as hard as I've tried I've never gotten back."

"You said it," he repeated. "I *heard* you say it. You never said it to that bloke Riley, but you said it to me."

"You were going to die," her voice caught. "I thought I'd never see you again! You were giving yourself up for the world. It was the most incredible thing I'd ever seen anyone do and part of that was because I believed in you. I gave you the only thing I thought you wanted."

Spike took another step back. "Fine," he said gruffly. "I'll get out of your way. Go shag the great Poufster. But when you walk in on him feeding from a bag of blood in the middle of the night, you can't come cry on my shoulder."

"Spike…don't do this."

"What am I doing? Making this harder for you? Because it's damn well hard for me!"

"You knew," she yelled. "So don't make this seem like I played with your head! You knew I didn't mean it. You *knew*."

He softened. "You're right." 

__

I love you

No you don't. But thanks for saying it anyway.

He went to the door and without turning said, "Where's the 'Lil Bit?"

Buffy watched him with tears in her eyes. "In Cleveland," she rasped. "With the others."

"Maybe I'll try and help. I always liked Dawn." Spike turned to gaze at her, hoping it wasn't the last time. "I'd do anything to be worthy of your love, Buffy."

She went to him, touched his hand. "You are. And I do love you in my way. I just…"

"Only see a future with Angel."

__

She shrugged helplessly, not denying or confirming his words. Leaning up, she kissed him on the cheek. "Good luck, Spike. Do something good."

He gave her one last intent look before walking out of her life.

She didn't watch him go. Instead she went the opposite way. To Angel's office. And this time she didn't have any trouble finding it.

***

He came in late, stumbling around and knowing he'd had way too much to drink. He had to admit, it had been a *lot* to drink. The great Angelus could hold quite a bit of alcohol. Images of Spike and Buffy going off into the sunset had kept him rooted to the bar stool, and one drink had somehow always gone on and on.

He was still alert, and he knew the moment he got into his office that Buffy was there. He was relieved to smell that she was alone. 

Angel fumbled for the light, not quite sure where it was in the damned office. Thing was so huge, he wouldn't be surprised if Lilah had hid the switch on purpose just to annoy him. Most of the time, it wouldn't be a problem, he could see just fine as a vampire, but in his drunken state he was slightly less alert.

The light blinked on.

Angel started in surprise. It suddenly dawned on him that she must have been waiting for him in the dark. 

"Hi," she said, weakly.

Angel blinked, sniffing the air. His brain mostly wheeled from the shock of getting too many smells at once. "I am so drunk," he muttered, sinking gratefully into the chair behind his desk.

Buffy looked suspicious. "How much time have you been spending in bars recently?"

"What?" Angel asked, confused. He gave her an annoyed look and did his best to push away his drunken stupor. 

"Never mind," she said quickly.

"Where's Spike?"

Buffy shrugged. "Beats me. Probably half way to Cleveland by now. You can't smell him on me or anything, right?"

No. He couldn't. Mostly because the alcohol was impairing his senses. "Should I be smelling him on you?" he watched her carefully for signs of guilt. Her face remained impassive. 

"I don't have to apologize for anything, Angel. So don't make it seem like I committed a great sin."

He jumped up from his chair, knocking it backwards into the windows in the process. "The HELL you don't have anything to apologize for!" He exploded angrily, pacing the room. "You'd just finished telling me that we were going to try and have some kind of a life together, that I wasn't just second best." He stopped, looked at her, "If that didn't mean anything to you then you certainly have something to apologize for."

She looked stunned. "I don't… I mean… we didn't…"

Angel sat heavily on his desk. "Buffy, I love you," he said quietly. "you're the only person I ever have loved. I'd do *anything* you'd ask." He gazed into her eyes, "Have. I went to make a second front for you, so you wouldn't complicate things with Spike. If that isn't good enough… then I don't know what is."

Buffy blinked back tears. "You still love me?"

He gave her his best "duh" face.

She smiled, despite her rollercoaster emotions. "I sent Spike away. Well, mostly. He went of his own accord, but I made it pretty clear that there wasn't going to be anything between us." As an afterthought, she added, "I love you."

Angel sagged in relief. "Thank goodness." He took her hand, drawing her close against him.

"Mmm," she murmured. "You're all smokey and alcoholey."

"Spike went to the bar first," he complained, lamely.

"What *is* it between you two?" Her eyes lit up, "Have you heard my wrastling theory yet?"

He breathed her in, trying frantically to process that she chose to be with *him,* that he was holding her, and that they were going to try some kind of a life together.

"Can you promise me forever, Angel?" she asked sharply, in a serious tone.

Could he? Could he really promise her forever? Could they ever really know what the future held?

He kissed her softly, her question echoing in his head.

"Yes," he answered simply. Because, whatever happened, he knew that he would always love her.

__

Forever: that's the whole point.

END


End file.
